Excuse the title, but I have to call a spade a spade. Before the Scandal winter premiere this week, I have to break down the times when this wannabe star (ie Fitz’s penis) thought he should make his presence known in the show. If it’s not already obvious, I am not a fan of Fitz nor the Fitz/Olivia pairing. The relationship is toxic, Fitz is self-centered…yadda yadda yadda: the usual hate.
Agree or disagree with me. Right after you read this post.
SPOILER ALERT: I have watched up to the latest episode of Scandal so this goes without saying.
I used to be a Fitz/Olivia fan. Back when Jake wasn’t around and they were the only two in the show getting some action. It was a whimsical thing, my like for the pairing. But it died right around the time when:
1. When Fitz led us to believe that his erections were the only thing stopping him rejecting Olivia: You remember that time? In season two, they had that smoking hot sex scene in the electrical closet. I am sure we were all feeling that post-coital bliss until Fitz said something to her that threw cold water on the entire scenario. “I may not be able to control my erections around you…but we are done.” Wait. What? Let me get this straight. Fitz was betrayed by this woman and yet his penis still finds the energy to act around her? I hope you all realize that he just treated her like a hole to soothe his erections. And don’t tell me that he was angry and was saying that to hurt her. He could have said anything else but that misogynistic statement.
2. When he thought the ‘matey’ house could have been a real Family home: Oh my gosh. I am still chuckling evilly at that scene. Did he actually buy an entire house for this woman? What kind of life would he have led with Olivia? She would be so busy ‘handling’ their forever scandal, she wouldn’t have time for kids. What annoyed me the most about that scene was the disregard forhis other family. His children didn’t matter. He didn’t care that his wife’s name would be dragged through the mud. In other words, he selfishly focused on himself and his ‘fantasy’ that he didn’t begin to look at the bigger picture. This is why I refer to that house as the ‘matey’ house. ‘Matey’ in Jamaica means the other woman. Therefore the term roughly translates to ‘never going to happen, Fitz. Please put the penis back in your pants’.
3. When he was cruel to Mellie: Which leads me to this point. I couldn’t possibly list all the times Fitz’s anger transferred to Mellie. We don’t have all night. But one scene stands out. When he found out that Mellie and the Vice President were getting freaky. He explodes on her and tells her that it was her fault why he ended up with Olivia. Her fault? Am I the only one who sees how much of a douchebag Fitz can be? Why are there fans rooting for him and Olivia to be together when all he does is rant like an immature little bitch, blaming everyone else for his penis’s misdeeds?
4. When he threw his sexual practices in Command’s face: As a comeback to Command (Rohan) who struck him down. Bitch pansy couldn’t find some other insult than that he was boning Command’s daughter. Old news, Fitz. Command already knew because he was Command. Good Lord, that penis needs to go.
5. When he couldn’t breathe without asking for Olivia: Let’s use a more recent scene. The first episode of the current season. Cyrus hands him the agenda for the day and Fitz asks, in the most pathetic puppy dog voice if Olivia is okay. Even Cyrus had it with the drama and told him as much. He is an evil little fiend, Cyrus, so you know Fitz’s penis is exposed if he has to tell him what’s up.
6. When he reminded Olivia she would always be a ‘matey’: I still can’t believe she left the sun and Jake for Fitz to tell her, in very clear terms, that he was talking to his wife; not her. Remember? The same time he found out about his wife and the VP? A crisis in his family and Olivia was suddenly demoted to matey…wait, what am I saying? She was always the matey. Still in denial, Olivia? Because Fitz just gave you a dose of reality.
7. When he flexes the rules for his son’s supposed killer for Olivia: ‘Maybe’. That is all she had to say for him to lighten Jake’s sentence. ‘Maybe’. Good God, to have her power. I would be unstoppable. They would call me the ‘Awesome Vagina’ lady. All I have to do is say ‘maybe’ and a guy will automatically take a bullet for me. I had ranted a bit about Fitz’s complete change of heart last year but I still had to mention it. Just to reiterate the depths Fitz’s penis will go to for some Olivia time.
8. When all he wants to talk about with Olivia is sex: Like he is the white boy Trey Songz or Usher; sex is the only topic he talks about. He almost committed suicide. He went through an emotional time. Wouldn’t you want to talk about it with the one you supposedly love? And even if it’s too painful to rehash, say that you don’t want to talk about it. Address that it happened, at least. Don’t ask your penis to help you describe sexy time. Tacky. And the reason this Fitz/Olivia pairing is unbelievable.
9. When he beat Jake up: His treatment of Jake had everything to do with his penis. Some people believe that he was blinded by the love of his dead son. Okay romantics, take a step back and look at the facts here. He knew Rohan was a dangerous man bent on his ambitions. He once went head to head with him. So, he should have double checked the facts before hauling Jake into prison. If Olivia hadn’t been with Jake, he would have hesitated and listened to Jake’s story. You know that. I know that. Don’t make Fitz’s penis fool you. He wanted to be the one walk into the sun with Olivia. And he was going to punch Jake around to make sure he knew.
The damn man should be neutered. This flagrant penis exposure needs to stop. Does no one else see that 99% of the Fitz/Olivia relationship consists of sex and seduction? Great sex and great seduction; I’m no prude. But what else is there? Where is their island? Where is their sun? Where is their goddamn common sense? Oh yeah. Jake has them.
I am going to stop this anti-Fitz/Olivia rant before I am being thrown rotten tomatoes for my bias. To be honest, I would like to believe this is an actual love triangle. But Fitz’s penis seems to be getting in the way. If Olivia (or even you, Fitz! Fight the penis struggle!) just slapped the penis aside and forced Fitz to actually express his feelings, then maybe I won’t be so inclined to glare at Fitz’s pants as he moans about Olivia missing in his life.
Just my two cents.
No penises were harmed in the writing of this post.